Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
