Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
