I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think my vagina is haunted
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
