I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Mom said you looked used
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
