fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
