how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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