the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
