whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
