he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
