I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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