I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I will be naked everywhere
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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