Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
