That's intense
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
