Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
did you just send me my own nude
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
