im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
