I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
