you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
