I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
