I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
