No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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