i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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