Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
