So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
