Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How naked do you want me to be?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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