So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
