the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
