is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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