Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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