there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
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