honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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