remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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