everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
