Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
