I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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