i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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