whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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