I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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