The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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