I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
