It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize