that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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