she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
