What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize