tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
