I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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