Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
