Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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