Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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