I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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