I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
