I cockslap morals
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
