I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
