Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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