So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
