READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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