I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
