whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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