she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
