If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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