I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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