if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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