I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
