Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
