I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
