Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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