this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
