I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
