not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
