I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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